A Vampire Named Elena
by S.J Green
Summary: Picking up from where the season 3 finale ended. How will Elena decide to transition? Will the memories Damon compelled her to forget start to return? How will Elena cope with becoming a Vampire? Will she regret her choice?
1. In the hospital

**The Vampire Diaries**

Damon let Meredith's words sink in, barely able to take root amid the swirling chaos that had been wrought.

Their significance began to register, their weight press hard. A devastating litany of emotion crashed over him. None stayed long enough to grasp. There would be time later to dissect.

Meredith looked kindly at him; a face full of sympathy, regret and a private pain all her own.

"Come with me," she murmured, taking his hand gently in an effort to calm the torment that raged behind his hooded eyes.

She guided him to the morgue, where Stefan sat, utterly lost, watching Elena. To the untrained eye, Stefan seemed impassive. Cold even. But Damon had shared the earth with his brother for more than 160 years and knew the hopeless devastation and bitter regret that played on the corner of his lips. His grief - raw and untamed - threatened to overwhelm him. Just as it threatened to topple Damon.

The brothers eyes met. Damon, expecting to feel the shared bond of hopeless grief, was shocked by what he saw in Stefan's eyes. Loathing. But not for the brother who had tormented and raged at him for over a century, but loathing for himself.

Loathing, disgust and something Damon couldn't place. Couldn't quite recognise. Fear. Stefan was afraid. Terrified. But Damon couldn't process why. He couldn't hold on to any thought. Any emotion. They swirled and raced about his head, leaving him exhausted. His shoulders ached.

"What happened?" He asked, not recognising his own voice.

Stefan's voice was ragged, the effort to focus on Damon's words too much.

"Matt," Stefan choked, barely a whisper, "Wickery Bridge, um, they crashed. She drowned. Elena drowned." His voice caught and the effort to remain calm became unbearable.

The colour drained from Damon's face. "Drowned?" Pain enveloped him. threatened to consume him. He tried to push away the images of Elena, struggling to breath, lungs burning, but they crushed him. Her fear, in those last moments before her death, became his own, branding him for always.

"Did you…um… find her?" Damon asked, gazing down at Elena's corpse, still and pale. Her beauty remained absolute. Even in death. His sense of loss was all encompassing and unbearable.

Stefan seemed unable to answer. He sat. Lifeless. Unmoving. "She didn't want this. She never wanted this."

Damon sat down next to Stefan, his head bowed. "I know," he said, placing a hand on Stefan's shoulder in an attempt to offer some support.

Stefan recoiled from Damon's touch as if he had been burnt. Damon, looked at his brother, confusion and pain clouding his eyes.

"I couldn't save her…." Stefan began, 'I couldn't…

"I know, I know," Damon whispered. "There was nothing you could have done".

Stefan, his lips poised to confess his terrifying, unforgivable secret, heard the sharp intake of breath and it was his undoing.

Elena, coughing, barely able to breathe, sat bolt upright. Her eyes were frightened and unfocused.

The sheer terror and horror of the moment of her death seemed to have bled into these waking seconds. Her body was wracked with fear, her eyes clawed at the two men standing above her, begging them to help her make sense of what was happening to her.

Damon held her close, raking his fingers through her hair, gently shushing away the sobs that threatening to devour her. "It's okay, shsss, you're fine, you'll be ok". The gentle soothing and whispers for calm were as much for his benefit as for hers. He would have willingly died to prevent this moment.. Elena's pain was his pain. He could feel it. He could feel the agony seep through her as the growing realisation of what had happened slammed into her.

"It's not possible, how can it be?" her eyes were wild and unable to focus, as if the light was much much too bright.

Stefan, seemingly grateful for the chance to relay a simply story, explained what had happened. His voice caught and his breath hitched as he fought to keep his emotions in check.

Elena's gentle brown eyes widened in disbelief and grew hard with anger. Overwhelmed, she rubbed the side of her face distractedly, as if to force the thoughts inside head.

"I can't," she began…" I can't – "

The tears that had been threatening since the moment she woke up, erupted. The violence of her sobs surprised the two men in their intensity.

"We need to take you home. We need to decide what we're going to do…."


	2. Stefan confesses

**Chapter 2**

Very little had been said on the drive from the hospital to the Salvatore mansion. All three were frozen in thought, unable to speak. The moments ticked by, drawing them ever closer to the inevitable.

Walking through the Salvaltore's drawing room, Elena made her way toward the large open fire, the centre piece of the room she had spent so many hours in as a human. Never again would she know the gentle ease of her humanity. It was over and nothing would be the same again. She couldn't remember the last time she 'd been in this room. She wondered aimlessly to herself, if she had known would she have paid more attention.

Every one of her senses were so alive it was overwhelming, debiliatating. The heat of the fire, the sound of the flames and the extraordinary brightness of it all, it was simply too much.

Elena sank to the floor, no longer strong enough to stand. The sheer weight of it was difficult to bare.

Both Salvatores were instantly at her side, lifting her gently to the oversized couch and pushing a glass of whiskey into her hands.

"Drink it, it will make you feel better," Damon said.

Elena did as he suggested, the amber liquid scorching her throat as it burned its way down. Damon was right though: it did help calm the jittery feeling that had been steadily growing inside her.

Elena felt restless, barely able to sit still. She no longer felt comfortable in her own skin. It felt as if insects were crawling through her veins.

"Do you feel able to talk?" Stefan asked gently.

"How long?" She began. "How long do I have?" Both Salvatores knew she referring to her possible transition.

A rough sigh escaped Damon's lips. He couldn't think of a conversation he'd like to have less. Damnit, he thought to himself, why couldn't she just want to be a vampire? Why couldn't it be easy? Why did they have to have an angsty, drawn out _discussion?_

"About 24 hours," Stefan answered. "It's been about 2 since…. Since you… um… died." Stefan's voice nearly broke. "So you've still got a while to decide."

"Okay then.. well, I'm gonna need a bigger drink," Damon quipped, walking towards the crystal decanters. As always he masked his anxiety and fear with humour.

"Whatever you decide, Elena, it is your choice and I will respect that. I've told you before but I think it bares repeating now, that if it were solely down to me I'd want to love and be with you forever but I know how you felt about being a vampire so I'll leave it to you."

"Stefan," Damon began, "can I ask you something? Are you stupid or just deluded?" He turned towards Elena, "you aren't seriously considering this are you? You can't possibly want to die?" Damon's voice was rising in anger but his eyes were full of pain and not the fury that his words suggested.

Elena looked gently at Damon but she didn't speak. Their eyes locked, the air was charged. Something flickered across Elena's face, a recognition. Something long ago, far away and very hard to place. She shook her head, the thoughts not quite able to register.

Elena broke first and turned away, the heat rising on her face. He'd always had that power over her and dying hadn't seemed to change it.

"I need some time, Damon, I need to think. Where's Jeremy? I want to see him." She turned away and walked upstairs towards the guest bedroom.

Stefan and Damon stood quietly, watching her leave. Finally they turned to each other, barely able to look each other in the eye.

"I have to tell you something, Damon," Stefan sighed, 'something that might help you understand what's happening to Elena".

"I need to tell you this Damon. I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't expect you to understand but I have to tell you what happened." Stefan explained the events surround Elena's death. His attempts to save her and her insistence on his rescuing Matt first.

"Elena would never have forgiven herself if she had lived while Matt died. It would have been worse than death for her."

Damon hadn't moved the entire time Stefan was speaking. His body was rigid, like a perfectly coiled spring. Stefan could feel the waves of emotion rolling over Damon but he remained still. His eyes were fixed on Stefan. His face was calm. Much too calm. Stefan felt small pinpricks of fear and instinctively he reached to rub the back of his neck.

"Say something Damon,"

Damon carefully put his glass on the table and walked slowly towards Stefan, a smile still playing on his lips.

His fist crashed suddenly into Stefan's face, an eruption of power, unleashing a terrifying riot of aggression, knocking him to the floor.

Damon continued walking, his eyes controlled, masking any emotion within. It was impossible to tell what Damon was thinking.

"You're right, Stefan, I don't understand".

He walked towards his bedroom without looking back. It was going to be a very long night.


	3. Elena decides

**Chapter 3**

Elena lay on the large guest bed, staring at the ceiling. Every detail of coving was a riot of shape, each design a powerful dance. So vivid and so clear.

Elena could hardly process the vibrancy of colour and light and shade. It was all just so much _more_.

She got up off the bed, pacing the floor. The expensive rugs felt exquisite underfoot. Her toes curled against the delicate fabric. It was if she'd spent her entire life in a fog and everything now was blindingly clear.

She sat down at the mahogany dresser, her fingers brushing against the rich dark wood. She could feel _everything. _As a human thishad been her greatest strength and biggest weakness and she was learning very quickly that her death had accentuated this quality.

She looked at herself in the oval mirror. She'd always been beautiful and accepted it gracefully. She took no pleasure in its power. Her large doe eyes stared back at her as if nothing had changed. And nothing had. Yet. Not physically at least.

She'd had to escape Stefan and Damon downstairs. They were more than she could handle. She knew they wanted her to make a decision. Although they'd swear otherwise she could see they waited, with baited breath, for her to decide to transition into a vampire.

Her head began to ache and she buried it in her hands. For the briefest moment an image appeared. A fragment of time. Damon. Standing in front of her in the road. But something didn't make sense. In her memory her heart was light. Free. Before the accident that claimed her parents. Before the fun girl with a passion for life became a shadow. Existing. Not really alive.

How could that be, she wondered to herself. But the memory was not strong enough and it faded away.

Oh Damon, she thought to herself. The memory of the phone call they'd shared before Matt's truck had crashed into the lake, haunted her. She knew she'd broken his heart but was convinced she'd done the right thing. She couldn't keep playing with him. He needed to move on and be in love with a woman who would make him happy. He deserved that.

Her heart constricted in her chest. A sharp physical pain sliced through it at the though of Damon in love with someone else. But, just as she had done time and again, she pushed the though aside and refused to question her reaction. Damon drove her crazy. That was all. And she refused to delve any deeper than that.

But seeing him again had been hard. She could always think so much better when she was away from him. Like staring into a fire, she was devoured by the heat and the light, drawing her ever nearer, until she was so consumed by the flame she world forget a world existed outside the two of them.

Downstairs, when his fingers had brushed against hers as he'd handed her the whiskey glass, her body had been engulfed by a passion and desire beyond anything she'd ever know. It had ripped through her and she'd wanted to tear off his clothes then and there and…. Oh _dear god_ _she chastened herself. What was wrong with her? She wasn't a savage. She wasn't Katherine. _Get a grip on yourself!_

She'd always been attracted to him, from the moment they'd met in the hall of the Salvatore mansion. But she'd had no wish to join a long list of silly girls who'd been fools for Damon Salvatore. She knew that if she ever gave into him and the chase was won, he would grow tired of her, bored of her and it would all be over.

Had it just been a simple attraction it wouldn't have plagued her as it had done. She could have dismissed it easily. What had tortured her was the fear of how much he could mean to her if she let him.

No. She was right to not let Damon get too close. He would destroy her, break her. She knew she would never survive him.

Now, it would seem, the point was moot. If the last hours were anything to go by, she was certain that a vampire life was not one she could cope with. Elena needed to be in control and she couldn't spend an eternity in hopeless chaos.

She knew that her decision was made. She would die, as she had lived, in control.

_But what about Stefan?_ Wasn't he enough to make it worthwhile. She felt a sense of peace descend over her, a calmness that soothed her. She loved Stefan, but most of all she loved how he made her feel. Like she had found home. She knew that she chosen to ignore the darkness within him in order to maintain the hope that things could be as they once were. She had overlooked the pain he had caused her to keep alive the dream they could one day recapture those heady days when he had breathed life into shattered soul.

But now, she realised, they could never go back. She had spend so longer trying to recapture the past, only to be pushed suddenly into an unknown future. A future that she didn't want.

There was a gentle tap on the door and Jeremy walked in. Elena put aside all thoughts of Damon and looked at her brother with sheer adoration. She loved that stupid, beautiful boy and a genuine delight to see him was etched all over her face.

"Jeremy, oh thank god you're here," she buried her head into his shoulder and the tears began again, violet and terrifying.

"Shhh 'Lena, it's ok, it's ok," Jeremy hugged her close to him and whispered gently into her hair.

"Oh my God Jeremy. You have to help me. You're the one who'll understand I don't want to be a vampire, I never wanted it but I know that Stefan and Damon won't get it," she began sobbing, bordering hysteria. "I can't transition. I don't want to. They can't make me do it."

"Elena, what are you staying? Do you mean you're going to let yourself die?" the stunned expression on Jeremy's face caught Elena by surprise.

"Jeremy… I…can't be a vampire. I can't kill people. I can't drink blood".

'No one's telling you to do anything!" Jeremy's voice was harsh and ragged. He covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath. He exhaled slowly in an effort to calm himself.

"Elena, I love you," be began "you are the only family I have left. I can't lose you. We've both lost so much. Don't leave me," his voice broke at the end, "please."

Elena stared on him, as if seeing him for the first time. She had no idea the little twerp cared that much about her.

She was stunned by his reaction. She'd just assumed that his growing antipathy to vampires meant that he would despise her. But now everything had been turned on its head and she was failing, desperately trying to make sense if it all.

Jeremy was her family and above all else, that was what mattered.

The haunted, broken expression in his eyes left her no alternative. She nodded her head in acquiescence ,"Okay… "

Jeremy hugged her to him, his shoulders sagging in relief.

"Should I go get Damon and Stefan? Ask them for a blood bad?"

"No. Not yet. I need to ask you something Jeremy. I need to ask you a favour. A big one".

"Anything, you know that."

"I want it to be your blood that changes me."


	4. Conditions

Jeremy was horrified. He pushed Elena away with more force than he'd intended. . The disgust on his face was palpable.

"Elena please tell me you're joking!" He sounded out of his depth, looking desperately at the door for someone to come in and make it all better.

"I'm not joking. I'm more serious about this than I have been about anything in my life. This isn't something that I want but if I'm going to do this then it needs to be done right. I have to learn to control my bloodlust, no mistakes, no accidents. I cannot be a killer Jeremy. I would prefer to be dead. I love you more than anything. You matter to me and I would never hurt you. If I take your blood, maybe I can hold onto the value of human life. This is my best chance to be a vampire that I can tolerate. "

'Jesus Elena, I don't know what to say. Give me a couple of minutes, ok? I need to think." Jeremy looked panicked, stricken and utterly miserable.

"Of course Jeremy, take all the time you need. I have to talk to Damon and Stefan. I'll meet you downstairs when you're ready".

Elena padded down the stairs, shocked at the condition she had made for her transition. She had consciously avoided all thoughts of becoming a vampire, even when Klaus's sacrifice had expedited the matter.

But perhaps she had given it more thought than she'd realised. Maybe somewhere in the back of her mind she'd been processing this for a very long time. She'd always known it was a possibility and when the time came she knew she wouldn't have forever to make her choice.

Now, at this moment, all she knew, the only thing that made sense to her was that seeing her baby brother's face, looking into his eyes as she took his blood was very powerful motivation to stay in control.

At that moment it was the only thing that made any sense beyond death.

She came downstairs to the drawing room, seeing Stefan staring into the fire. He sensed her arrival and turned around. When he saw her, tears filled his eyes, he bit his lip and turned away. She sat down next to him.

"Stop blaming yourself Stefan. It was my choice. If Matt had died, and I had lived, then there would have been no world for me."

"I can't bare to see you like this. I can't stand watching you make this choice. I know you are going to let yourself die and I'm losing you all over again".

"What are we talking about Stefan? Being a vampire or Damon?"

He didn't reply but his expression confirmed what she already knew.

"How I feel about you and Damon can play no part in this decision. If I do this then we'll talk about everything later. I can't think about anything else right now."

"Elena?" Stefan's face lit up but hope, " Are you sure? You mean… you might… oh god" Stefan exhaled a breath that he felt like he'd been holding for hours. Years.

He grabbed Elena fiercely in a bear hug, weak with relief.

"Stop it!" She pushed him away. "I haven't decided yet. I've been talking to Jeremy and I have to ask you and Damon some things too. Where is he? Where's Damon?"

"You rang m'lady? You call, I'm here. You ask, I come. We've already established how easy I am." Damon slurred his words and was smirking at his own joke.

"Really Damon? You're wasted now? You couldn't keep it together for a couple of hours?"

"Ooh miss judgy, you want to tell Stefan, or should I, why I'm feeling so _thirsty_?" He made the final word incredibly seductive but she refused to let it effect her.

"Later! Can we just deal with that _later_?" she was furious at him, anger welling up to smother the pain she was feeling at the damage she'd done to him.

"I need to speak to you both and this is important. I've told Jeremy that I am prepared to go through with the transition. But I have two conditions. One I need Jeremy to give me the blood to make the change. And two, and this is for you both, if I hurt anyone you have to stake me. No ifs, buts or maybes. I will not live as a killer. You have to promise me that or I won't do it."

Stefan looked miserable and completely exhausted and Damon stifled a giggle. He put his fingers to his lips and gave her his best 'sorry my bad' smile and shrug.

"Do you think this is _funny_ Damon because I don't." Elena's voice cut like a whip through the air.

"Funny? Elena. Why yes! I'm finding this day utterly hilarious actually, thanks for asking. But in answer to your request for me to stake you if you get up to any _monkey business,_ I'll say yes indeed, I will stake you madam, if this is what you so desire. Your wish is my command." Ever dramatic, Damon finished his speech with a mocking bow.

Elena's face was vicious, rage blazing in all its fury. But now was not the time, so she swallowed her anger and turned towards Stefan, who nodded with his eyes closed, barely perceptively.

'And I'll help you too," Jeremy's voice surprised them all. No one had noticed his arrival, too consumed with their own emotions.

Elena looked at him with a mixture of pride, relief and fear. The time had finally come. The moment they had been fighting for years had really arrived. She took a deep breath and sighed, "well, ok then. "


	5. The Transition

Chapter 5 – the transition

Truth be told Elena was starting to think she would have preferred to make her transition alone. She was feeling very uncomfortable with three sets of eyes watching her every move, fussing over her, plumping pillows, getting her comfortable. If she was asked one more time if she was sure or if she was ok, she was going to scream.

Everything organised, Jeremy got a knife and cut open the tip of his finger. He sat down next to Elena on the couch and held out his hand. The smell of blood assaulted her senses, her mind was foggy, no rational thought able to take hold. She was suddenly terrified by the overwhelming need for blood but she couldn't back down, couldn't let the men watching her know she was afraid. Or else they might try and stop her.

"I trust you Elena, I know you won't hurt me," Jeremy soothed.

She nodded, glanced once more at Stefan and Damon who nodded back at her.

"Well make sure this goes down ok Elena," Damon said gently, all mocking gone. "We won't let anything happen to you… or Jeremy." He added as an afterthought, knowing that Elena needed that reassurance.

She dipped her head to Jeremy's finger and took a small taste of his blood. The explosion within her body was instantaneous.

A rush of well being flooded her. Never in her existence had she felt such ecstasy,. Every atom of her being pulsed with exquisite pleasure. Every inch of her body was on fire.

Power. Raw, untamed, vibrant power pounded through her and she was strong enough to stand it. She burned with endless, limitless energy but it could not overwhelm her. She could bring herself to the brink, take herself over the edge and survive it all.

_My god _she moaned in elation, her sense of euphoria so profound she wanted to scream with joy.

Somewhere far away she heard some muffled cries, vague and at a distance. Very gradually they became louder and the pains in her arms grew stronger and suddenly she realised that she was being dragged away from Jeremy. The screaming began to make sense. They were telling her to stop. But stop what? Why would she ever stop? She could do whatever she wanted and she _would do_ whatever she wanted!

She could hear herself panting as she tried to fight them. Why were they trying to hurt her? Why were they trying to take her away from such bliss?

Damon had pushed her to the floor and his hand grabbed her by the jaw. He forced her to look deep into his eyes and yelled "stop! Elena stop it! Enough!"

She looked up at him, her body crushed beneath his, her mouth open in wonder. _Holy crap_ he was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen! As she stared into his blue eyes every ounce of resistance she'd ever felt crumbled away into nothing. She wanted him. Here. Now. She reached up and grabbed his neck pulling him towards her, crushing her lips against his. She rapped her arms and legs around him, desperately trying to get as close to him as she could.

Suddenly other arms were around her, dragging her away. Her arms were suddenly empty and she felt an overwhelming sense of loss. She felt tears prick her eyes.

They pushed her into a chair and Stefan's voice was gentle when he said calmly, "Elena, look at me, you're ok, everything is ok. Drink this." He pushed a glass of bourbon into her hands and guided the liquid into her mouth.

It no longer burned or stung as it once had, but it still soothed her and after a few moments she was able to focus. She looked at Stefan and she could see the horror etched into his face.

She glanced over to where Jeremy was . Elena's newborn vampire eyes took in every detail. He was covered in blood and there was gashes and bites all up his arm. Clearly she had lost control.

_And it had been so worth it_.

Elena's mouth fell open in horror at her reaction. She'd hurt Jeremy. Stirrings of regret began to form but she wasn't sure how much she cared. She felt guilty yes but something had changed in her but she wasn't sure what yet.

She glanced over at Damon, now giving Jeremy some of his blood to heal him, his trademark smirk on high beam.

"You might wanna buy a guy dinner first Elena, but hey I'm not complaining.". He was mocking her, laughing at her but his smile didn't reach his eyes; they were full of concern. He was worried about her. She could tell he wanted to hold her, make her feel better for what she had done to her brother but Stefan's presence stopped him from going to her.

_Stefan_. She glanced back at him. He was looking at her like he barely knew her. His disappointment was palpable. He looked utterly miserable .

_No change there then_. Elena recoiled at her response, heaping more guilt onto herself.

"Jer are you ok?" she finally managed .

"Sure… I'm feeling a lot better. I might go lie down for a bit and get some rest." Jeremy seemed grateful to be getting away from her and was clearly in a hurry to put some distance between them.

"I'll take him home. I think you two need to have a little chat. You've clearly got some unfinished business". There was a trace of bitterness in his voice but he smiled kindly at her.

Stefan and Jeremy walked to the door. Stefan turned to glance at her one final time and his eyes were full of sadness. And then they were gone.

Her plan, that had seemed so sensible at the time, had backfired horribly and she was worried this was just the beginning.


	6. Damon and Elena

"Oh and if you think I'm going to stake you now because you roughed up your brother, you're sorely mistaken. I didn't pinkie swear so it doesn't count."

Damon was laughing at her, chiding her but she knew he was trying to make her feel better in his own twisted way.

Elena looked confused at Damon, not understanding what he was talking about. Suddenly memories of asking him and Stefan to end her if she hurt someone came flooding back.

_Why would I ask them to do that?_ Jeremy's ok. No big deal.

She carried on looking at Damon, smiling at him. She remembered kissing him a few minutes before and being dragged away. She should feel embarrassed but she wasn't. She had wanted to kiss him and she did. It was as simple as that.

She kept looking at him and more memories began to return. Older ones. Memories of compulsions. Moments she had been made to forget. A warm spring night where they had talked and laughed and flirted. _You want a love that consumes you_. He had looked right inside her soul and known her instantly; all her hopes, all her needs, he had seen them all and articulated what she herself had only barely begun to imagine.

More memories returned. Her bedroom. Her necklace. _I don't deserve you but my brother does. _ His heartfelt revelations, his secrets shared.

Damon. Damon felt he wasn't good enough for her.? Damon who was so arrogant, who loved the chase, who enjoyed playing games?. Had he truly loved her? Would he have continued to love her even after she had given all of herself to him; mind, body and soul?

Her mouth dropped open and she looked at him in wonder. He had really loved her. Not just the idea of her. Not just as a kinder Katherine.

Elena turned to Damon. She walked quickly towards him putting her hands on his chest.

"I remember everything." She whispered to him. "Every compulsion, every memory you took away. " She became lost in his eyes. There was nothing in that moment but them, "I want you Damon, I always have and I'm tired of pretending that I don't."

She ran her fingers gently down the side of his face, stroking along his jawline. She kissed him delicately on the lips. Passion seared through her and she pulled him close to her, pushing both her arms around his neck. Her kisses became feverish and she was utterly overwhelmed by her desire. And for a few glorious moments Damon returned her passion.

Finally, she was able to truly match him and he too held nothing back. He pressed himself into her, holding her head firmly in his powerful hands as his kisses embraced every part of her.

But just as they were about to sink to the floor, Damon grabbed her arms and pushed her away from him. She looked over at him in surprise but his head was bowed and she couldn't see his face. He was breathing heavily and he kept hold of her arms.

Finally he looked up and his with eyes full of pain.

"What are you doing Damon? Why did you stop?"

He laughed ruefully at himself, "I have absolutely no idea and I swear tomorrow I am going to kick myself for saying this but..….. I can't."

"What?" Elena's voice was like ice.

"You're going through transition Elena, you're not yourself. I'd be taking advantage of you if we carried on."

"You don't want me?" Elena was devastated.

Damon laughed again but there was no humour in it, "Are you kidding me? I've never done anything but want you. If memory serves you made it pretty clear you chose Stefan just a few hours ago, so forgive me if the whiplash is killing me!" There was more anger in Damon's voice than he'd intended but the mask was falling. He'd been hurt by her so many times. The thought of her rejecting him again, telling him in the morning that it had all been a mistake, was just too much to stand.

He took a deep breath and told her with as much gentleness as he could muster, "Elena, I love you. You are it for me. Always. But if we do this now it could destroy us and I don't want to lose you. You chose Stefan and if you are confused about that you need to sort out how you feel. I can't play second fiddle anymore. I love you but you have to love me back."

Elena looked at him utterly mortified, shame flooding her face. She had thrown herself at him and he was rejecting her. Suddenly she needed to get away from him, away from this place.

She ran out of the house, revelling in her newfound speed. Humiliation twisted inside her spurring her on ever faster. The thing she had always feared the most – Damon rejecting her – had come to pass but she was able to push away her shame and horror by driving herself onwards, speeding quickly away from the boarding house.

Damon soon caught up with her, grabbing her fiercely. "Damn you're fast for a little thing!"

He paused, "Elena" he tried to get her attention when she wouldn't look at him. "You are a newborn vampire. You're out of control and until you learn to manage yourself I can't leave you. Besides, it's nearly dawn and you don't have a daylight ring, so unless you want to be barbeque I suggest you come home with me."

Elena looked at him, her eyes angry and hurt, wishing the ground would open up and swallow her. Frustrated, she followed him back to the house.

She had been a vampire for less than an hour and she'd made a spectacular mess of everything. Could it get any worse?

**Well that's all I absolutely HAD to write. After the end of season 3 I have to admit to being pretty devastated. I'm a grown woman so it was embarrassing to say the least. The only thing that got me through it was the idea that Damon would reject **_**her**_** for once. I hope everyone understands that his feelings for her haven't changed it was just a really bad time to go there!**

**I've never written fan fiction before so I've been learning as I go along . Thank you so much for the reviews and all the favouriting :-) I wrote it to help sooth my sad Delena heart but it was lovely to have people like it. I'm happy to continue with the story if anyone wants me to. I've got loads of ideas for bad Bonnie refusing to make Elena a daylight ring! And Elena attempting to re-kindle things with Stefan while secretly pining for Damon (hurrah!)**


	7. Stefan and Jeremy

**Thank you so much for all the alerts, favourites and reviews. I really don't want Stefan and Elena to even look at each other again but I'm going to be mean like Julie Plec and take it slow. Sorry :-(**

"You are _not_ driving Jeremy, you've just lost a lot of blood. Give the keys to me". Jeremy didn't really protest even though he felt fine; he was still reeling at seeing his sister so out of control; mauling him and….. well he didn't even like to think of what she'd done to Damon. It was worse than catching them at the motel. Jeremy immediately pushed that image out of his head. Not enough mind bleach in the world was going to make that ok..

He knew he would need to be careful for the next 24 hours while he still had vampire blood in his system. He didn't relish the idea of going through what Elena just had.

So much had happened so quickly he was spinning: Alaric dead, Tyler dead, Caroline on the run, Matt in the hospital, Elena a vampire. He felt like his entire universe had collapsed beneath him. He felt so adrift and alone.

He glanced over at Stefan, who seemed lost in thought, "I'm sorry Stefan that Matt and I tried to get Elena out of town. I feel terrible, like it's all my fault. That's why I agreed to give Elena my blood. I thought it was the least I could do given that it was my fault in the first place," he laughed gently, "of course I didn't know she was going to take to it so…._enthusiastically_". He absent-mindedly rubbed where Elena had bitten him.

"It's not your fault Jeremy. It's mine. You were just trying to help," he said sadly. "I'm just going to try and get her through this. It's all I can do now. I think the first thing I have to do is speak to Bonnie. Elena needs a daylight ring. I'll drop you home first and then go see her."

"No wait I'm going with you". Jeremy's tone left no room for negotiation.

"No Jeremy you.. um you know what….. Sure…" Stefan didn't have the strength to argue. Everything had happened so quickly he didn't have time to process. The responsibility he felt for Elena's death was all-consuming. He didn't know if he was ever going to be able to forgive himself. He had secretly thanked Damon for punching him out earlier; he wanted to be hurt, he wanted to be punished. For one moment he wanted to feel something else apart from the tortuous agony of his guilt.

Seeing Elena lose control and attack Jeremy had been horrendous but seeing her with Damon had nearly killed him. It had confirmed to him what he already knew: Elena was completely, hopelessly in love with Damon.

He had suspected it for a long time but he'd always known her fear of being judged would stop her from leaving him for Damon.

That certainty had been torn apart when he told her goodbye in her bedroom. For the first time ever he had felt she was going to let him go. He was convinced she had been going to tell him that it was over. When he had kissed her, he had done so because he truly believed that was the end for them and he needed to give it one last shot: but he could feel the difference in her.

_She didn't want him anymore._

It was this realisation that was terrifying him. Had it affected his choice to save her? Had he let her die because he respected her and knew it would have destroyed her to be saved at Matt's expense or was it because a part of him knew deep down, that if he had saved her, one day soon she was going to leave him for Damon?

_No! That wasn't true._ Stefan's lips parted at the horror of that thought. He loved her and if she had left him for Damon, he would have respected that and gone away just as he had promised.

_But you promised that believing she would choose you_

_No!_ He wanted her to be happy and if being with Damon made her happy then he would have willingly given them the space they needed.

_Even though that wasn't what she wanted. You knew she didn't want to lose either of you but you insisted on one of you leaving. You couldn't bare the thought of Damon being near here._

Stefan shook his head as if to dislodged the thoughts in his mind. He needed to stop torturing himself. He needed to concentrate on sorting out the chaos that seemed to have descended everywhere in Mystic Falls. He needed to figure out how the hell he was even alive!

_But the way she kissed Damon. She never kissed you like that _

Stefan slammed his fist into the steering wheel. He was so damned jealous he couldn't see straight. He'd let everything slip away from him. He'd pushed her away and he'd lost her. It was all his fault

"Woah man are you ok?" Jeremy had been stunned by Stefan's violent outburst.

"Sure, Jeremy, I'll be fine. It's just everything seems to have gone to hell and I don't know what to do about it."

Before Jeremy could answer they'd pulled up at the hospital where Bonnie was keeping a vigil over Matt.

They were back in the room he'd left only a few hours before. Bonnie was dozing in the chair but woke up as soon as Stefan and Jeremy arrived.

"How's he doing?" Jeremy asked, glancing down at Matt, lying pale and still. The noise of the monitors beeping their rhythmic dance the only sound in the room.

"Much better. Matt's strong. He's a fighter. He should be completely fine. " she paused and then as if to answer an unspoken question she continued, "Matt doesn't have anyone and I hate the thought of him being alone." Bonnie paused and asked carefully, "How's Elena?"

"She's made the transition. It was a little rough but I think she'll adjust." Jeremy was being very cautious with his words.

"We're sorry to ask this but Elena's going to need to bit of help. She needs a daylight ring. Would you be able to make one for her?" Stefan's voice was warm.

Bonnie's eyes darted up coldly towards Stefan and before she'd really given it any thought she snapped, "you know Stefan sometimes your requests sound more like orders!"

Stefan was stunned. He really didn't know what to say. He stumbled over the next few words. "Um Bonnie… I… I'm so sorry. I… we…. really appreciate everything you do. I didn't mean… I…."

"No, Stefan. It's fine, it's ok. That didn't come out right. It's just been a hard couple of days."

Stefan smiled at her and hugged her shoulders, "I think you mean a hard couple of years. I'm so sorry Bonnie. Thank you."

"Of course," she began. Her tone firm but kind. "I'll come over when Matt wakes up and do the spell then. I just can't leave him right now".

"Oh no… no of course not.." he stuttered, utterly shocked, " well then, we'll go and see you back at the house soon. I mean… um … take your time".

With that Jeremy and Stefan left, both stunned and utterly reeling at Bonnie's hesitation to help a friend who needed her.


End file.
